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January 14, 2013
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Some Things Last, Chapter I by MissScarlett12 Some Things Last, Chapter I by MissScarlett12

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Essentially this is a RotG story with a "Benjamin Button" inspired structure. It's much shorter than what I'm used to writing. I have this story penned for 15-20 chapters all between 2,000-4,000 words each. It's not an epic or anything. Just a romantic drama that an enormously irritating plot bunny, an overzealous imagination, and a fantastic film, forced me to write.

Since this is the first chapter, I would really appreciate reviews/ comments that focus on characterization the story's premise. Do you find Gwyn believable, annoying, sympathetic/ not sympathetic; does little Sophie seem in character; how about Jack? Most importantly, did this chapter establish enough to keep you interested and/ or wanting to know more? All advise is good advise, because it's the only way I can grow as a writer.

Chapter II is up! [link]

Best,

Scarlett
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:iconskylerfarrier:
SkylerFarrier Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Found this through #FanFicCrits.
First thing [and not really about the story] is that I really don't like the format this is uploaded in. It's incredibly hard on my eyes and zooming in means I have to scroll sideways for every single line I read. You can always hit the "add text" button when uploading, although you'll have to add in the bold/italic/underline/etc coding.
There's also a few typos;
"with such a thick blanket of white, that Gwyn Bennett could hardly tell" - just being a bit picky here
"It was a quite ward." - should be 'quiet'

But overall, I think it's interesting. I'm guessing Gwyn is Jack's kid. :B
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:iconawkwardapartment:
AwkwardApartment Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I really love this idea! :D MY only suggestion would be to dumb down the diary writing a bit; after all, Sophie was supposed to be 6 when she wrote that, right? I don't think her entry would look like it came from a book.
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:iconmissscarlett12:
MissScarlett12 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks! I do think I'm going to rough up the grammar some more, but I think it would be too distracting if I purposefully misspelled words. The struggle over how much '6-year-old' language is too much was definitely the concept I grappled with the most. At least the older Sophie gets, the less I have to worry about that :)
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:iconsherlockedhazza:
SherlockedHazza Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is so nicely written :iconsobeautifulplz: :iconmoarplz:
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:iconmissscarlett12:
MissScarlett12 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks. Nice cats :)
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:iconsherlockedhazza:
SherlockedHazza Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe thank you
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:iconserori:
Serori Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i love it, update soon n.n
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:iconmissscarlett12:
MissScarlett12 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks :)
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:iconserori:
Serori Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
your very welcome n.n
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:iconavpmfreakify101:
AVPMfreakify101 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
SWEET!!! Can't wait for more! :D
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